Many people are living in abusive relationships and getting out of them may require help from others. This is part one of a two-part series, which points to some lessons that you can learn from being a survivor of abuse. This may help you with making the decision to wanting a better life for yourself.
Staying For Your Children Is Not Worth The Abuse
Other than the effects on you, which are reasons enough to leave, your children may feel that abuse is normal behaviour. Children in abusive environments may become abusers or victims of abuse. Your children are people as well with their own thoughts and emotions. They may try to defend you and end up getting hurt. If you really want to help your children, then you cannot continue in this type of marriage. Find a safe way for you and your children to leave and move on with your lives.
Verbal Disrespect, Devaluing And Manipulation Is Abuse
While physical abuse is more publicized and can be easily recognized, emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse. You should not be disrespected, manipulated or looked down on by the person who should love you the most. Love, Honour and Respect are what you are due. If you are not getting that, then you may need to find a way out of the relationship.
Sexual Intercourse In A Marriage Without Your Consent Is Rape
Despite the antiquated view of a wife being subordinate to her husband, you have the right to decide if you will have intercourse with your spouse. You have the right to say “No”, even if you had originally said yes. Any man, who forces himself on a woman, even if that woman is his wife, is a rapist and can be convicted of such. Whatever the circumstances may be, even if you were asleep or inebriated, rape is rape. It is an act of violence and abuse. Do not make excuses for a rapist.
Don’t Just Tell Family Or Religious/Community Leader About Your Abuse
If you do this, the person may, without your consent, speak to your abuser. This may lead to you being abused further and to a greater extent. You also do not know if this person may harm or be harmed by your husband in a confrontation. This is not advice for you to accept your treatment or to continue in silence. Rather it is suggested that you talk with someone who has experience with domestic abuse. This can be a relationship counselor or someone qualified at a shelter.
Being Hit Or Disrespected More Than Once Is A Pattern Of Abuse
If your husband disrespects or hits you once, this may not mean that he is an abuser. You may choose to forgive him if he truly understands and regrets the harm he caused. Whether or not you speak out about the abuse the first time it happens, if it takes place a second time, your husband is a repeat domestic abuser. Repeat offenders of crimes are not easily changed. So your husband may not stop without getting help for his problems. It is important to “nip something in the bud” as the expression goes. So you may need to take steps to prevent being abused a third time.
Admitting You Are A Victim Is Your First Step To Freedom
Do not make excuses for your abuser’s actions. Do not choose to ignore the negative effects this has on you. You may be empowering them to abuse you further. Regardless of what your abuser might say to you, you do not deserve to be abused. You are not the cause of the abuse. Your thoughts and feelings are not worth less than your spouse’s. Do not unconsciously say so by ignoring or excusing his abuse. Some abusers will insist that you or something you do is the reason for their actions. Do not take on their sins. They may not change and you will only have scars, mentally or physically.
Domestic abuse is not a pleasant topic. It is something that needs to be removed from our society. If you are being abused, please do something about it. For more information, you can get a copy of my Amazon bestseller book, “Time to Go“. Do you prefer to learn via a course? If yes check out “Time To Go The Course” on Udemy.