Having a good reLationship with your spouse is essential for a happy marriage. However, it is possible for your relationship to become a reHationship, which is a play on L meaning Love being replaced with an H meaning Hurt. This rarely happens overnight and sometimes there are signs from very early that are ignored. If you are feeling a bit off about your husband, then you may be in a reHationship. Here are some ways to distinguish between the two.
Your Comfort Level
In a relationship, you should feel comfortable to discuss anything with your husband because you know that he will be supportive of your concerns and feelings. This gives you a feeling of safety, which is important in building and maintaining a strong connection. If you are hesitant to confide in your spouse because you fear being dismissed or ridiculed, then you should know that this is not healthy and you may be in a reHationship.
How Much Weight Does Your Opinion Carry?
When it comes to making a decision, is your input valued or does your husband insist that things are done as he wants it, disregarding you entirely? Being able to have a meaningful conversation with your husband, where both of you express your point of view and these are considered before you both decide on a course of action, is integral in a healthy relationship. If your partner isn’t willing to consider your opinions or desires then you may have a reHationship that you may need to get out of.
Do You Feel Validated?
Does your husband celebrate your achievements with you and encourages you to pursue worthwhile goals and dreams? Your husband should be your biggest fan, your closest friend and should be your “go-to guy” when you need a shoulder to lean on. If your husband makes light of your success or suggests that he could have done better, then he is not lifting you up or spurring you on to greater heights. There can always be a little playful joking here and there, but you should always feel validated and loved at the end of it. Your spouse should not be the cause of you losing the confidence in yourself to succeed and excel. Constructive criticism should always be welcome in your relationship, but its opposite will only erode your self-worth. If you feel worse about yourself than you did before you got married, then this is a sign that you may be in a reHationship.
Are you able to rely on your husband to be there when you need him or to do an important task such as helping out with the children? If your husband isn’t dependable or is always finding an excuse not to help you out with a problem, then you may suffer unnecessary stress and run the risk of burning yourself out trying to accomplish too much. If you are in a good relationship, you shouldn’t have the feeling of the world is on your shoulders because your spouse should be sharing the responsibilities with you. It cannot be that it is always better you do something yourself because you can’t rely on him to follow through and get something done. This type of neglect is not to be dismissed and is a serious sign that you are in a reHationship.
Can You Trust Your Husband?
Does your husband spend a lot of time outside of work away from you without offering a reasonable explanation? Have you caught him lying to you about where he was or who he was with? Does he prefer to go out with his buddies from work most days instead of going home? While every man needs some space and time off with their friends, you should be the one that he seeks to spend the most time with. If this is not the case and you find your husband missing more often than not then you are in a reHationship and trying to convince yourself otherwise is not healthy.
This should be an obvious sign, but so many women ignore it that it has to make the list. Your spouse should be someone you are not physically afraid of. He has no reason to use force on you if you displease him in any way. Poking, pushing you around or hitting you is not acceptable. Love doesn’t leave you with scars or in the hospital. Fighting should be done with words and you should feel free to express yourself without any fear of physical violence. Of course, every couple will have a difference in opinion here and there and this is healthy in resolving heated issues. But it should never come to actual blows being delivered. You are not a punching bag and if he needs one then he should join a gym and get his hits in there. Love yourself enough to get out of this type of reHationship.
A reLationship should bring you love and happiness as opposed the tears and fears brought on by being in a reHationship. Please use the signs shared to analyze your marriage to ensure that you are indeed in a relationship. If you find out otherwise, seek the necessary help that you may need if you decide it’s time to go. To assist you with this you can check Am I Experiencing Domestic Abuse to learn about both the subtle and not so subtle sign and types of abuse. Also, feel free to set up an appointment to get clarity and strategise your next best steps. Thank you for reading. Please feel free to comment your thoughts and experiences below.