How To Heal And Rebuild Your Life After Leaving Abuse

How To Heal And Rebuild Your Life After Leaving Abuse

You have taken charge of your life by leaving your abusive relationship and you are to be applauded for taking that step. Now begins the road to recovery, which will take time as you rediscover yourself and the world around you. This article may assist you along this new journey with some pointers for you to consider.

 

How To Heal And Rebuild Your Life After Leaving Abuse

HEALING

Do Not Start A New Intimate Relationship too soon

Many women make the mistake of starting a new relationship within months of leaving their abuser. There is a high probability that this may not work out because you are not ready for a relationship as yet. You need time to build your self-confidence and know your self-worth before you even think of letting someone else into your private life. If a potential suitor presents himself shortly after you have left your abuser, tell him that you are not ready. A true gentleman does not pressure a lady. There will be more opportunities for you to find love again when you are whole.

Develop A Comfortable Routine

To help with the healing process, it is wise to plan your day to day activities. A structure is an important step in recovery. You may start slowly and add more activities as your confidence grows. Do not berate yourself if you are unable to get everything done. Commit to continue pushing yourself. If you persevere with organizing your life, you may become more accepting of yourself and where you are. You will know that you are able to live your life without anyone directing your actions for you.

Welcome to the second and final part of this series. If you missed the first article, don’t worry because this is not in any particular order. You can always view it after reading this one. Let's take a look at some other lessons that you can learn from being a survivor of abuse. This may help you with making the decision to wanting a better life for yourself. Staying in Abuse for Financial Benefits Never Results in Your Happiness. Money and possessions are not worth the emotional or physical abuse because you may develop bad coping mechanisms. You may become withdrawn, afraid to express yourself and establish bad spending habits. This may encourage your husband to abuse you. The days of men looking down on women because they are taking care of the household and not earning an income are over. Your value is unquestionable and accepting abuse for monetary reasons may erode your confidence and spirit. In essence you give up your freedom and become a slave to your husband who will treat you in any manner that he wishes. You should consider getting out of this situation by spreading your wings and seeking your financial freedom. You can accomplish anything that you put your will and effort into. It’s Never Wise to Stay With a Well Known Relative or Friend When You Leave a Violent Abuser This will be the first place that your abuser will come looking for you. This may result in others getting hurt as well. Your husband is not likely thinking rationally or considering that he will not want to cause a scene. You are in a dangerous position with someone who may be mentally unstable. This is not the loving husband you may have known. There is a high chance that your husband will show up at your family’s or friend’s residence. So ensure that you are not there. This will reduce the chances of a violent encounter. When you leave, please go to a shelter or a trusted acquaintance that cannot easily be traced. People Who Encourage You to Stay in Domestic Abuse are Often Victims or Abusers Themselves Generally speaking, people will give their opinion based on their own personal experience. This may be the case if someone encourages you to stay in an abusive relationship. You should consider distancing yourself from these people. They may have their own demons to wrestle with so they may not be able to properly advise you. Someone wise and knowledgeable about the potential consequences of abuse will embolden you to find a way out. You should not stay in a situation that may be mentally or physically detrimental to you. Do Not Return to an Unreformed Abuser The more you forgive and return to an unreformed abuser is the more severe the abuse may get. An abuser who feels embarrassed or shunned by your behaviour may look for ways to get back at you. If you return to him then you may be saying, “It’s okay to punish me for telling others the truth of how you treat me”. Do not fool yourself. This is the same person. He does not believe that there is anything wrong with how he treats you. If he has not taken any steps to change, then he may continue to hurt you. It is good to forgive, but move on with a life without him after you have done so. You Don’t Need to Have a Large Sum of Money to Leave an Abuser If you make a plan that covers everything that you will need, then you should be okay. You should get trustworthy support as you try to get back on your feet away from your abuser. Do not make hasty decisions that may put you at risk of another abuser. Be very careful with whom you accept help from. You do not want to be put in a similar position as the one you left. Unless You Are Physically Imprisoned Then You have the Power to Leave If you are not physically bound or imprisoned by your abuser, you always have the power to leave your relationship. You just have to say “Enough, I will no longer be a victim” and make up your mind that you want to be free from abuse. You can be happy if you get the support to put your plan in place and the commitment to follow through with it. Only you can decide if you want to have a better life. Do not give others this power over you. Please note that you can find more detailed information about abuse and how to leave for a better life in my Amazon bestseller book, "Time to Go". Thank you for reading and please feel free to comment your thoughts and experiences as we continue to empower women to their own independence and happiness.

REBUILDING

Reconnect With Family And Friends

There is a high chance that your ex-abuser had influenced you to rely solely on him and cease or reduce communications with your family and friends. You may feel reluctance at first due to the circumstances that led to severing these relations. Be assured that you can overcome this. The people who love you will be understanding and may even have been aware of your plight and felt helpless to assist you. Put your pride aside. Do not be afraid to talk about your experience. This is a necessary part of your recovery.

Engage In Group Activities

 Joining a support group for abuse victims is a good way to find strength, motivation and closure. If you are not up to being around strangers as yet, you may get started by taking a class. This will help you to get out and about with people in a more comfortable environment of your choosing. It is suggested to get active. An exercise class or something that takes you outdoors, for example hiking with a group, would be a good start. If you were physically abused, you may consider taking a self-defense class to help empower you. Of course, you can always go out dancing with your friends if you are so inclined and burn some calories while having fun.

Seek Divine Guidance

If you have never felt driven to follow a religion, then you should seek harmony and balance in your inner self. Putting your soul at ease may be the most important piece of the recovery process. It does not matter which faith or creed you follow. The important thing is to reconnect with God spiritually. You may have felt that God abandoned you in an abusive relationship with a man you may now see as a devil. But this was never so. You were always provided with a means to end your abuse through His love for you. Do not mistake the trials and difficulties in your life as a punishment from God. By reconnecting with your Heavenly Father, you are recommitting to doing what is right for your life through His guidance and love.

The healing and rebuilding process after an abusive relationship does not happen overnight. This may take many years to complete. Do not be ashamed to cry or feel self-pity because these things are normal. Take things slowly and make a note of the progress that you make. This will aid you in taking greater control of your life and getting back to a normal life. You can find more detailed information about healing and rebuilding your life in my Amazon bestseller book, “Time to Go“.