If you are in an abusive relationship, whether that abuse is physical or emotional, then you owe it to yourself to get out as fast as you can. This may seem like an impossible task based on your current situation, for example, if you are financially dependent on your abuser. You owe it to yourself to put together an escape plan and follow through with it while you are still able to. Every day that you spend in an abusive relationship makes it harder to leave because you lose more of yourself and may begin to rationalize the abuse meted out to you. You do not deserve to feel that you have no self-worth and you certainly do not deserve any physical or emotional harm. Leaving an abusive relationship may be as easy as walking away and never looking back. However, it becomes more complicated if you have nowhere to go and even more complicated if you have children. Regardless of your circumstances, you should make the decision to leave and plan for it. Here are a few tips for you to consider.
Get informed about your options
In the event that you are not financially able to leave, there are national as well as private run programs, for example, Domestic Abuse Centers, that have options and personnel that are geared towards assisting victims of abuse and may be able to provide shelter for you and your children. Make contact with these organizations as discreetly as you can so as to not arouse the suspicion of your husband. You can also join a religious group and seek help within that structure to help you to locate somewhere safe that you can go to until you are able to get back on your feet. Gather as much information as you can and look at all your options. Remember that knowledge is power.
Talk to someone about your situation
Do not be ashamed to talk about what is happening to you as you are the victim and your pain and suffering are not of your own doing. Fear of speaking out about abuse has led to many tragic endings. So you must recognize that this is a part of the abuser’s power and break it. While it may be difficult at first to talk to someone about your personal life, please realize that this is an important part of the process of healing. Talk to a trusted family member, friend or counselor. If the person you speak with is unable to help then seek out someone else until you find the help that you need.
Keep a record of the abuse done to you
It is important to keep a record of any abuse that you suffer and ensure that you go to a hospital if you suffer any physical damage so that this can be recorded and make the proper reports to the police. This is especially important if you have children and may have to face your abuser in the legal system. Having some form of documentation whether it is a journal, pictures or recordings of your abuse will give substantial credence to you and will put you in an advantageous position. Please keep this evidence that you are gathering in a safe place. Where you can do not simply put it on any computer or laptop, as it can be easier for someone who is skilled to get access to this information or you may forget to log out completely, so they gain access to the information you put there and you do not want that to happen.
Make a plan of action
In the event that things take a turn for the worse while you are preparing to leave and if you have children make them aware of what they should do. You should identify a room in the house that can be made temporarily safe by locking or barring the door, but also have a way for you to leave the house, for example through a window. Once you are out, you may be able to take refuge at a neighbour’s house and alert the authorities.
Please remember that if you think that you are in imminent danger then you have no choice but to get up and run. It is always best to do so if your abuser is not at home. However, if this is not an option, then you must find a way to quietly alert the authorities so that you and your children can safely leave the house. Put some thought into this and you may wish to arrange a code word or signal with a neighbour for emergencies complete with instructions to follow that will make it safer for you to get out.
For more information, you can get a copy of my Amazon bestseller book, “Time to Go“, which is full of more detailed tips on how to leave an abusive marriage. If you wish to speak to someone in my team about your situation, schedule a 25mins ‘Empowerment and Clarity Session’ in the Calendar. You will leave feeling renewed, empowered, gain clarity and feel energized to move forward towards a wonderful life. We look forward to being of support to you.
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Norva Semoy Abiona, an accomplished business owner in the relationship and business arena, founded The Warrior Queen, The Wise Wife, and My Choice Marriage programs and communities. She helps to guide, support, mentor, coach and teach other wives and wivepreneurs to embrace the power of simple change in mindset, focus, acceptance practice and actions, which when done leads to them living much more fun, fulfilled and financially profitable lives. For more information and her free gift, visit www.thewarriorqueen.com.
Norva’s books include Time To Go: How to safely leave an abusive marriage even if you have no money (an Amazon #1 International bestseller), The Wise Wife Manifesto: The 15 success practices of happy wives and her upcoming book Have It All: The Wifepreneur’s guide to being truly successful. The books are all based on her experience, insights and teachings.
To book Norva to Speak, Coach you or your team, Interview and any other opportunities in line with her mission to support, Wives, Couples and Families or to learn more about any of her products and services please feel free to get in touch today.