As the saying goes “prevention is better than cure”. It is better to totally avoid an abusive relationship than it is to recover from the after effects. It is unlikely that you will know that someone is an abuser at the start of a relationship. As time passes, you may pick up on signs but, you can also take action to test your relationship as well. Here are some signs to look out for that may help you to identify an abuser before going too far in your relationship.
Take It Slow
Even if you believe in love at first sight, it is best to get to know the personality of your potential mate. All men are not terrible but you can’t know if you have a good one in a short period of time. It is simply impossible to see the many aspects of someone’s personality without significant experience. It is important to note that information from his family or friends may be tainted as they try to protect him. It is best for you to rely on your own judgment of his character. Set some time apart to evaluate your relationship, and to observe how he reacts to this situation. You can use this time to spend with your family or friends. It is okay for him to miss you but he should be able to give you some space and not be too demanding.
Don’t Ignore The Signs
If you spend enough time with someone, they will show signs of their personality that you can pick up on. Unfortunately, many women may ignore these signs as they do not want to think ill of the person they love. To reduce the risk of marrying an abuser you should pay very close attention to the following signs, and run for the hills if you see them.
- Carefully observe how he interacts with other people. If he treats others unfairly or thinks of people as inferior, then you may soon be treated this way as well.
- Is he overly jealous of your friends or attempts to restrict your contact with your friends? Even if he suspects that your friend is in love with you, he should trust your judgment.
- Does he blame others for his own faults or mistakes, or refuses to take responsibility for his own actions? Does he get angry in simple situations or is he unable to see someone else’s point of view? This is a red flag as it points to possible personality disorders.
- Does he have a narcissistic complex or overly depends on you to make him happy? A narcissist is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. While you should be component in his happiness, it should not all be on you. If he says things like “I can’t live without you”, it may sound romantic but isn’t that putting too much pressure on you if it’s true?
- Does he attempt to take control of how you spend your money? Giving financial advice is one thing but you should still be in control of your money. Ensure you have a separate account that you put some savings into.
- Does he value your ideas or opinions? If he regularly belittles you, puts you down or has to be right all the time, then he may be an abuser. This is his way of controlling your thoughts and your actions.
- Do you feel free to be yourself, and make your own decisions, without having to get permission from him? Is he monitoring your phone, online activities, or does he insist on checking where you are or what you are doing? This is not love, this is control. You should consider ending this relationship before you become a statistic.
Love is a wonderful thing but you owe it to yourself to be happy. You can find someone who treats you well. Be aware that you cannot spot an abuser easily. Protect yourself as best as you can. Whether it is physical, emotional or financial abuse you should take steps to avoid becoming a victim. If you are currently in an abusive relationship, then you can consult the book “Time To Go” for help. Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your thoughts.