The subject of sexual abuse tends to conjure images of overpowering someone physically and violently. However, you should know that this is not always the case. You may be a victim of sexual abuse right now in your marriage but you may believe that this is normal. This may be dependent on how you were raised or what your spouse has done to “train” you. If you think that is not possible, please continue reading, as this article seeks to open your eyes to common abuse patterns you may have overlooked or ignored.
1. Does He Only See You When He Wants Sex?
If your husband does not seek to spend time with you when sex is not in the offering, he may be using sex as a means to control you. This is basically him letting you know that you are just a tool for his sexual needs. He does not value you as a partner. Love in a marriage should be mental, emotional as well as physical. Do not sell yourself short. Your husband should be in love with you as a person, your mind as well as your body. If you think that you must use sex to get your husband’s attention, then you may be an unwitting victim of sexual abuse. If you are unable to fulfill his desires when he demands it, your husband may feel justified to cheat on you. This is not anything you can control. But you should not accept the blame for his actions. You should seek counselling. Be prepared to separate if he cannot see you for the beautiful woman you are and not a mere sex object.
2. Does He Demand That You Do Things In Bed That You Dislike?
There is nothing wrong with consensual sexual experimentation between two people in a marriage. However, you should not feel pressured to do things that you do not like or even pressured to have sex if you don’t want to. It may be the case that you were talked into trying something different and you didn’t like it, but your husband wants it to continue. You should not feel that your relationship with your spouse would change if you do not comply with his requests. This is a deceptive form of sexual abuse that must be stopped before you lose your self-worth. If your husband truly loves you, then he will accept your decision and not attempt to force you in any way. Be true to yourself and your principles. Do not be ashamed to report your husband to the police if he assaults you, it is wrong and you are the victim. Ignoring this fact will only give him more power over you.
3. Are You Afraid Of Reprisals If You Do Not Have Sex?
If you are afraid of what your husband will do if you do not have sex, you may be a victim of sexual abuse. You should not be terrified that your husband will give you the cold shoulder if you are not up to having intercourse with him. Certainly, he may feel disappointed, as this is only normal. But this should not last for a long period. He has to have the capacity to shake this off and be back to loving you and being there for you when you need him. Your husband should not withdraw his support for you, whether it is emotional or financial, simply because of sex. This is manipulation and exploitation from the person who should love you the most. Love does not have to be under his conditions alone. He is not in control of your body or your feelings. You should not be scared of your husband losing his temper or that he will seek sex elsewhere if you are not in the mood. Sex in marriage ought to be a physical expression of your love and trust for each other, not a burden. Do not let your spouse bully you into being his unwilling sex slave. Stand up for yourself. Let your opinions and feelings be counted.
Do not be afraid or ashamed to speak about abuse because you are not the perpetrator of the offense but the victim. Be strong enough to admit that you need to retake your life. Make the necessary steps towards your happiness. Do not let your husband develop a pattern of abuse or manipulation against you. You are valuable, you are beautiful inside and out, you should be love and respected.
If you are affected by this article and would like to speak to someone about it, please feel free to get in touch email me. Do not suffer in silence or feel like you have to cover up for your spouse’s abusive attitude or behavior. You were not born to be a victim and you certainly did not get married to be one.